Courage
Children need courage--the willingness to face life’s tasks and take risks even when they do not know if they can succeed. Children with courage feel hopeful. They are willing to take risks and believe they can handle challenging situations. They are resilient. Children who do not have courage feel inferior to others and inadequate. They do not take risks and tend to give up without trying. They frequently avoid challenges.
Capable
Children need to feel that they are competent and capable of caring for themselves. Those who do feel capable, have a sense of competence, self-control, and self-discipline. They are self-reliant and assume responsibility for themselves and for their behavior. They believe they can do whatever they set their minds to doing. Children who do not feel capable, frequently feel inadequate and frequently try to control others or let others know that they cannot be controlled. They frequently become dependent on others or seek to overpower others.
Connect
Children need to connect with others. Those who do connect with others, feel secure, are able to cooperate, and can reach out and make friends. They believe that they belong. Children who do not have the skills necessary to connect will feel isolated and insecure. They may seek attention (usually in negative, self-destructive ways) in order to feel that they have a place in a group or the family.
Count
Children need to feel that they are significant--that they count. Those who feel that they count believe that they make a difference in the world and that they contribute in some way to others around them. They feel valuable and valued, and they believe that they matter. Children who do not feel as though they count feel insignificant. This belief is painful to them, and they may react to their feelings of hurt by trying to hurt others. Many children who feel that they don’t count develop poor self-esteem and may give up, try to intimidate others, or overcompensate by acting superior. Other children feel that they only count “if”--their sense of significance is conditional.
Ideas adapted from: Lew, A., & Bettner, B.L. (1998). Responsibility in the classroom: A teacher’s guide to understanding and motivating students AND A parent’s guide to motivating children. Newton Center, MA: Connexions Press.